Cats, Cats, Cats. Thanks to some breakthrough technology...

...we humans can now understand what cats are really thinking and saying. check this two-partter out (h/t cuteoverload):

First, here's a video of two cats in a cat discussion. Clearly they're saying something to each other, but because they speak Cat and not Human, it's impossible to know exactly what it is they're saying. Watch...



But now, thanks to this new Cat-Tronic Technology, we can actually "hear" what they're saying. I think it's safe to say that this may be the greatest invention since the microwave:

It's Funny Cause It's True...

Now this stuff is funny...had to post it!

Technology killed the Ad Agency?

or so says a report from Accenture being touted in an AdWeek article. Thinkmulticultural has a brief but good post on this, worth a look. I agree with Accenture that ad agencies are increasingly under threat from the more nimble, technologically attuned digital media companies. Back at Saatchi, I brought 3D to the agency but in all honesty it was a struggle--the slow moving, traditional wheels of an agency like that don't adapt well to a shift as monumental as 3D--(monumental particularly in the automotive sector). but on the other hand, saatchi did come around and now it's a major part of the organisation...so it is possible for agencies to adapt...but then again that may be a testament to saatchi...not sure others are as quick to change direction. but if they want to survive, understanding digital media and acting upon that understanding is essential.

Finally...Here it IS!!! Positively, Absolutely, The The Best Video of All Time

Listen up--the end is near...

of course, no one can know for certain what will happen tomorrow let alone five years from now, but I do think there's some common sense in this IBM report that is difficult to argue with. Surely, sites like Google will gobble up much of the traditional ad budgets--it just doesn't make sense anymore to spend money on media whose results are so...ephemeral...so virtual--like TV. yeah, of course, TV ads have an impact but it's so "after the fact", "delayed", open to interpretation etc. etc. etc.

Google's now--you get served the ad and you click on it and you're where we want you. (h/t iab)

At least we got Marmite...

When are we gonna get some of that smokin hot internet access they got in other countries? Like in the UK where you can get these crazy 16-24 mps speeds via Sky TV...sometimes my broadband access feels like dialup...

Search Engines Rule!

At least that's what executives of search engines would have us believe. And truth be told, it's kinda hard to argue with. But anyway, if you want to know more about the glorious benefits of search engine advertising (e.g. seo vs sem/ppc), then be sure to check out the Search Engine Room conference 13 November...go to the search engine room for more info.

The Best Video of All Time: Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

This one used to be my favorite little video. shows you how OLD i am. man, when did that thing come out? like 2001 or something? what a loser i am.



but loser or not, it still rocks the house. go check it out.

you know you want to...loser.

The Technological Revolution hits NZ Agencies

But if you only read half the article from AdMedia you may think it's just traditional technologies that are being upgraded. In fact, this article is really signaling a much more important, fundemental shift in the way business gets done at Agencies in NZ (and around the world really). Much more will be done in-house and much more will rely upon digital technologies/software like Flash, After Effects and Final Cut Pro. It's what Patrick McAteer of Oktobor refers to as the "coming convergence". Check it out here.

Come Visit Singapore...And Your Children Will Be Killed By Giant Robots!

I mean, sure, who doesn't want to visit a country ruled by giant robots that shoot death rays...but you think maybe there's some other hook the Singapore Tourism Board could have used to attract tourists?

(This is a real Ad posted to CNN.com)

I've decided to become a Republican...

...because I've always been curious about what it would be like to be a closeted gay man who outwardly hates gay men,

because I've always been curious about what it would be like to be a closeted pedophile who outwardly hates pedophiles,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to shoot an old man in the face,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to sleep with hookers while outwardly proclaiming the merits of christ and family,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to privately refer to fundamentalist christians as "the nuts" while outwardly pandering to them every chance I get,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to effortlessly spend close to a half trillion dollars on wars in Iraq and Afghanistan while doing everything in my power to spend as little money on Americans as possible,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to embody and embrace pure Evil...

for all these reasons and more...I've decided to become a Republican!

One of the things that happens when you live in New Zealand...

...is you go to espn.com to find out when football starts (or gridiron as they call it here--which I try to explain to them is not a term used much in the States, but they're kiwis so they go right on ahead asking me if I'm a gridiron fan...to which I reply, yes, I love pancakes) and it becomes readily apparent that the season is already four games old...and on the college front, five games old. As far as my alma mater is concerned, it looks like I haven't missed much, but with the 'Hawks...seems there's at least a reason to check the scores on Monday night.

Go 'Hawks! Don't do what the M's have done to me! At least make the damn playoffs! Ya bastards!

Misery Loves Company

Just when I thought no one could suck as much as the Mariners did towards the end of the season, The Mets prove they too can SUCK.

Must be the letter M. Maybe we should have it stricken from the English language...

Email popular among marketers...for now anyway

eMarketer is reporting that email is most popular online marketing tool...and even suggests that it will continue to be. and while this may be true for some very specific types of companies (read: fly by night)--it surely won't be true for companies that care about their reputations--there are just too many problems associated with email--spam, viruses, file size issues etc...for this to remain a mainstay in the years to come.

Many people are addicted to the Internet

the results of a recent survey in the U.S. shows that 15% of Internet users can't go a day without internet access. okay sure. that's not surprising.

what's surprising is who conducted the research. it was JWT. looks like ad agencies are beginning to recognise where this ad beast is heading--and it ain't tv. duh.

it's online. that's where it is. that's where it's been. and now agencies may be looking for data to help convince not only their clients that the internet is where it's at but more likely...themselves.

Say hello to a new (er, re-branded) film company

As CampaignBrief is reporting, Chris Graham and Treza Gallogly have just re-branded their film company gladwrap flicks with the name The Film Brewery. All the best!

The Effing Effies are Here! The Effing Effies are Here!

Per AdMedia, the Effie nominations are here and looks like the nz sister agency to my old stomping grounds is in the lead...Saatchi & Saatchi's got 13 followed by Colenso & Colenso w/8, Oglivy 7, BBDO 6, DraftFCB 4, DDB and Y&R 3, etc...

For the full list go to www.caanz.co.nz.

Maybe I was too hard on Lame-Man...

in my last post. He actually sounds like a kindred spirit. (h/t huffington post)

So what if he can't act...

Scorsese's Iraq

There was a part of me that did not want to see the Departed--despite its widespread acclaim. Everytime I went to the video store I always looked at the case and thought maybe...but then kept going.

Thing is, I'm a huge Scorsese fan. Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Kundun, After Hours, Taxi Driver...those are some of my favorites and a few of them (Raging Bull, Taxi Driver) may be among the best films ever made. That said, let's not forget that Scorsese also directed The Color of Money, New York, New York, and Gangs of New York....

So he's not perfect.

Plus, a quick glance at the cast of The Departed should give anyone cause to pause: DeCrapio, Marky Mark, and Jason Bourne (er I mean Matt Lame-man)....and the cartoon character himself (who used to be something to behold)--Jack Nicholson. I mean, there's not a whole lot to look forward to here. But I figured, well, it is Scorsese and he did win The oscar for it...

So the other day I finally rented it.

Damn me to hell.

The Departed was one of the smelliest pieces of crap I've seen in a long long time. Oh sure, there were some good Scorsese moments (though honestly, a day later and I can't remember one)--but overall the thing stunk. STUNK.

DeCrapio was by far the best thing on the screen--I mean the poor kid was working hard, very hard to show his anguish and fear and loathing. And when DeCrapio is the best thing going, you know you're in trouble.

Lame-man, The Human Cartoon and Marky Mark were all equally crappy in their own way. Marky Mark with his wooden delivery of some of the more colorful lines in the script was completely and utterly forgettable. The portion of the screen occupied by Marky Mark pretty much disappears--he's as vanilla (ice) as it gets.

Then there's The Human Cartoon. Talk about not scary--when that's mostly what he was supposed to be, talk about not interesting--when that's some of what he was supposed to be, talk about lame-ass in-and-out Irish accent...well you get all that and less from our friend, The Human Cartoon (I know he did some great acting in the 60s and 70s, but can't he just go away now?).

And finally, let's not forget Matt Lame-man. Here is an actor who somehow has been dubbed one of the young great american actors--and yet, the funny thing is, he can't act. He can't be complex, he can't be simple, he can't be dark, he can't be light--he can't convincingly pull off anything.

So here we are left with scenes like the one where it's just DeCrapio and Lame-Man on the screen (in split-screen) with phones to their ears--the bad cop finally comes ear to ear with the only man who can bring him down--it's one of the huge Scorsese moments...but one that falls completely flat as we realize that the huge moment is being delivered by two of the more boring actors in recent memory. We're left watching two uninteresting actors plopped down in the middle of what could have been a fairly interesting scene. But I do mean fairly interesting scene--let's not go overboard here. This scene is nothing, repeat NOTHING, new. And the amount of silly cell phone tricks that Scorsese uses in this film is not only silly but highlights another of the many problems with this film. IT WAS FULL OF ANNOYING HOLES, OF SCENES THAT DEFIED ALL LOGIC, or to put it more matter-of-factly--The Departed often made no fucking sense at all. Here's just a few questions I have:

1. When Lame-Man finally hears De-Crapio speak--why doesn't he immediately call the Human Cartoon and describe the voice to him: youngish, boyish--as far as I could tell, everyone on the Human Cartoon's payroll was over 50...except DeCrapio.
2. When Sheen is pushed off the roof--where are the cops? The scene of the cops is shot in such close-up that we have no idea where they are--which is probably because in reality the cops would have seen Sheen and thus would have seen DeCrapio. Instead, Scorsese tries to get around this problem by piling them all into this small car (they looked like they were clowns in a clown car) having them say things like: "someone fell off the roof--but we can't see him". And even if by some miracle they were situated in such a way that they couldn't see Sheen--what would the harm have been in driving the car around the building until they found Sheen?
3. It gets worse: DeCrapio's got Lame-Man and he's bringing him in (which in the first place made no sense--why didn't he just immediately grab one of the cops and tell him who Lame-Man was and that he had recorded proof of it??!...and don't tell me it's because Lame-Man deleted his file--several other cops knew who DeCrapio was--they're the ones who told Lame-Man he was waiting for him)...but just as the elevator opens DeCrapio gets shot in the head by...some other cop who was working for The Human Cartoon. WHAT?!? Scorsese pulls some other character out of his ass at the last second, literally from out of nowhere (how the hell did this nobody know where Lame-Man was in the first place?).
4. It gets even worse: Why is Lame-Man free at the end? Didn't DeCrapio give the Psychologist a fucking envelope to open and hand over to the cops if he ever got hurt? Was I just imagining that scene? And if for some reason she I don't know lost the envelope, why was she and those two old lady neighbors shunning Lame-Man at the end? Either he was innocent or he wasn't. And if his story was believed then he was innocent...
5. Last thing: why did Marky Mark shoot Lame-Man at the end? Huh? What the fuck was that?

The last 20 minutes of that movie were equal to or worse than some of the lamest B-Grade Movie scenes in the history of cinema.

And yet...it won the best picture and best director oscars.

Maybe we should throw in a medal of freedom while we're at it.

Friedman was is and always will be a lips...

...on ass kind of a guy. ass in question belonging collectively to bush admin. (h/t crooksandliars)

Shana Tova!

We had our first Rosh Hashanah in New Zealand temple tonight and during the service my four year old son kept asking me "when is the rabbit coming out?" or "where is the rabbit?" sometimes whispered, sometimes in a fairly loud voice.

suffice it to say that the rabbit never appeared...but the service was nice. and the apples and honey were sweet.

I'm Back...

Been out of commission for a while now--mainly due to my phd/conference preparation.

But I'm back. And I took a parenting class the other day. It was enlightening to be sure. Taught by a Kiwi named Diane Levy, author of Of Course I Love You...NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!

I've been a fan of Wendy Mogel's Blessing of a Skinned Knee, but always felt that book, while a good foundational resource (with a decidedly Jewish-focus), never got specific enough for my tastes. Okay...I'm happy to nurture my children's uniqueness (rather than criticize it) and it's good advice to make parents the authority figures in a family (to be respected)...but what do I do when my kid hits someone with a baseball bat or calls me "stupid" or whistles while I plead for him/her to tidy his/her room, etc.... Levy's book picks up where Skinned Knee leaves off. It's very specific and offers very useful, practical advice (she also happens to be Jewish, though Judaism does not factor such a prominent role in her writings).

That said, Levy's parenting class has been tremendously helpful. Her main point is that we need to support our children's feelings while setting clear even sharp boundaries. Some of what she says seems old-fashioned and yet powerful in its simplicity. For instance, how many of us, when our significant other does something that makes us cringe (like turning off the TV just as a show was about to end, sending children into panic mode) says "why did you do that?" or "thanks a lot" or "for the love of god, turn the tv back on" or "how stupid are you?" And yet, Levy argues that in such a case the right thing to do and the most powerful thing to do is to walk over to the offending spouse, stand by his/her side and sternly say to your children: "Do as your mother/father said". Since taking the class i've tried this a few times and damn if it isn't powerful...almost exhilarating.

Yet probably the single most important thing Levy has taught me is the importance of patience of calm in all that you do with children. Screaming, shouting, yelling at your children is strictly forbidden (and by the way, doesn't work). I've always been against yelling at children but occasionally it happens...well frankly occasionally is too often.

But enough about real life...soon I'll be reporting on my Second Life experiences--maybe i'll even post some images of my recently updated avatar, archmunster Toll. Stay tuned....

Sure they can blame it on Tivo, the Internet, etc...

but the real reason people are running away from Lost in droves is because it sucks. In today's show, I watched in complete bafflement as Freckles recalls the time a woman befriended her and helped her go talk to her mom "because something good has to happen to one of us"? Huh? The storyline was so completely perposterous and just plain silly that I had a hard time imagining some producer reading the script for the show and saying "yep. this thing's done. let's shoot it." but clearly that's what was decided--because they did shoot it. (which is funny because while it was on i kept wishing someone would shoot me).

by the way, is it just me or did the multicultural Lost become as white as white can be this season? why do they keep killing and/or getting rid of those who aren't white. The only non-whites left are Iraqi dude (who gets very little screen time) and the Japanese couple (who get very little screen time). Sad.

last thing, every time I see the fat guy I wish someone would jab a fork in my eye. He is quite possibly the most annoying character on any show I have ever seen. Ever.

NZ Webby Notables

As the iab reported, there were several NZers who got some good recognition from the Webbys. Jessica Lee Rose of LonelyGirl15 fame, picked up the best actress nod and two NZ agencies were nominated for their online work: Shift and Saatchi & Saatchi. Good on ya!

The Sky is Falling

So says Andrew Keen in his new book, The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet is Killing Our Culture and Assaulting Our Economy.

Peter Griffin over at Web Walk has some insightful commentary on the book and for the most part I agree with him. Keen is right to question the value of some of the new Internet-enabled applications that are floating around in the cyber-ether. On the other hand, as Griffin points out, Keen's song and dance is way too loud--he wants us to believe the whole dang i-world is for crap. Well of course it isn't--in fact, i'd argue that what's happening online right now is among the most exciting things to happen since well the invention of the telegraph.

Don't Do The Lights

my son's new favourite song is Joe Jackson's Steppin Out. And when the chorus comes up and jackson sings "into the night, into the light" my son sings "don't do the lights, don't do the lights"... needless to say, it's darn cute.

Homeward Bound

saw my first movie in about two months--too bogged down in proposal hell to do anything entertaining.

anyway, Little Miss Sunshine was the flick and I have to say it was cracking me up. I laughed out loud many times. now it wasn't perfect but it was damn funny. arkin was great, carell was good, even kinnear was pretty good. and so was the little girl. and the script wasn't half bad either. the one knock against it is that they come close to repeating one of the worst tv characters in television history.

the weird part for me is that the whole movie they're trying to get to Redondo Beach of all places! So I kinda got to go back home with them in that damn vw van of theirs. surreal.

It's funny cause it's true...

bush: old vs new

I was Batman...

my son was Superman and my little girl was Super Girl today. We ran around the yard with towels around our necks, flying.

Psst...Whatever you do, don't say Gun Control...

i'm beginning to sense a pattern from huffington post. i guess running for office and trying to get ad dollars is pretty much the same thing.

i understand all of the rightwing nut jobs coming up with every possible excuse for what happened at VT, other than the legal automatic weaponary that made such wholesale carnage possible.

but why is huffpo essentially doing the same thing--according to them, anything but gun control could have prevented such carnage.

i guess the answer has to do with ad dollars--no, not that the companies that advertise on huffpo are necessarily against gun control (who knows...who cares), but that huffpo believes its traffic would decrease if they came out against guns. decreased traffic equals decreased ad revenue. if i'm right, that's a pretty lame reason to not state what has become obvious: semi/automatic weapons should be banned. duh.

All The Books Say That...

Whenever my wife or me want to silence the other one on some child raising debate, we simply use the phrase, "All the books say that...."

For example, when I gave my daughter a carrot, my wife definitely did not want me to do that again (even though she seemed fine munching away on it) and so she said, "All the books say that you shouldn't give carrots to one year olds." Now I don't know, maybe a lot of books really do say that--but ALL the books. We only really have one book that we look at (the Pediatricians Guide to blah blah blah) so I'm not even sure how she could have read ALL the books.

But I do the same thing--but the difference is that I haven't read any books...ever. so when i say "All the books say that..." what I really mean is "I never read anything but take my word for it..."

So anyway, here's my top five "All the books say that..." comments. These are all things I have either said or would have liked to have said...

5. All the books say that lots and lots of tv is good for your kids
4. All the books say that it's okay to go to a bar while your kids are in bed
3. All the books say that if your kids won't stop screaming at each other during a long roadtrip, you should go ahead and set them on the curb and continue with your long roadtrip.
2. All the books say that you should heavily sedate your children before taking them on a cross-country airplane flight.
1. All the books say that sending your three year-old to get you a six pack and the latest issue of Playboy can be a great rainy day activity.

Yellow Pages to give free online presence to Kiwi Businesses

and a very smart move from Yellow Pages...it helps them stay relevant and ultimately means more ad revenue which is a much better business model than b2b...details forthcoming

Google buys DoubleClick--holy macaroli

what more can Google do? with this 3+ billion dollar purchase it'll have a firm lock on both search and display advertising. what's next?

And you still think Lost doesn't SUCK?!?

...did you see the episode where the Fat Man and British Dude drive a van down a hill?!? I'm talking about an entire hour long episode! One entire hour of my life is now gone...gone forever...and i spent it watching a fat man and a british dude argue about, agree to and finally drive a fucking van down a fucking hill.

and what about the very next episode? did you see that one? half of the episode was devoted to Freckles, Iraqi dude and Bald Man wrestle with a one eyed Russian. as dopey as that sounds, you won't believe what the other half was devoted to...you simply won't believe it. i think they actually stole the plot line for it from an episode of Gilligan's Island. Get this--long haired dude plays ping pong against Fat Man and if long haired dude wins they have to give him back all of his stuff that they took from him but if he loses, ohmygod you won't believe what happens if he loses...if he loses he can't call anyone by a nickname for a week! a whole week--no nicknames! it's like that awesome episode of the Brady Bunch where Greg has to cart Peter around with him everywhere he goes (even on a date!) because Peter beat Greg in a game of badminton. Did you hear me?! I said: Peter beat Greg in a game of badminton! And Peter's like THREE YEARS YOUNGER than Greg!! So you're not gonna believe who wins the ping pong game--no, not the virile, athletic long haired dude. NO! The Fat Man wins and I'm pretty sure he beats him 11 zip: the mercy rule took effect! the mercy rule! and the fat man is fat! yet he still beat the long-haired dude! DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? I said the fat man, who is very fucking fat, beat the long-haired dude, who is very fucking thin and healthy, 11 to nothing in a game of ping pong!!! Are you fucking listening to me?! You godamn fucking asshole!!!

Some Adsense Tips

Coda Moya over at Internet Marketing has some good tips for those participating in Google's Adsense program. Check em out here.

A few good reads...

David MacGregor, Massey designer and lecturer, gives a good review of the book Mavericks at Work: Why the Most Original Minds in Business Win. I read it myself and agree with MacGregor that what really is good about the book is that it gets you thinkin

just another sign that new zealand is no different from the USA...

...their cats pur when you pet them.

there's this cat from next door named Lucky who is one of the sweetest cats you'll ever meet. clearly grew up amongst children because it's as patient as can be. me and my one year old daughter were outside petting it. i was gently stroking its fur and the cat had clearly reached that cat-like zen "space" that only cats can achieve. out of nowhere my daughter steps on good ol' Lucky (turning its name into a cruel irony) and the cat literally did a full on Jerry Lewis style, eyes crossed, "Hey Lady" take. wish i had a camera rolling, it'd probably have a million hits on youtube by now.

The coming convergence....

Not so fast...

With the soon to be released digital tv in nz, the Microsoft convergence of digital tv, Vista-run PC and XBOX LIVE is on the horizon--in theory it'll mean the ability to stream tv to an xbox--tv plus internet plus gaming--the holy grail.

Unfortunately, as Scott Bartley aptly points out, it ain't gonna be as easy as it sounds. There's still lots of hurdles to get through....

Cheap thrills for Republicans

...there are people who still want to be your friends.

(This was too good not to post. h/t croosandliars)

My country right...

...or wrong.

"...patriotism...involves a disposition to fall into a kind of bad faith and that this is a reason to think that patriotism is certainly not a virtue and is probably a vice...."

[Simon Keller, Patriotism as Bad Faith, Ethics, Apr 2005; 115, 3, pg. 566]

Interesting blog on NZ newspapers and the Internet

this guy who calls himself Newsosaur, wrote an interesting piece on NZ newspapers and the internet and how NZ newspapers had better rattle their dags and make some smart, strategic steps if they're to build the sort of online franchises that their american counterparts failed to do. it's an interesting read with a very graphic description of the term "rattle your dags" which i'll leave to you to read. also, you may have to scroll down to get to the story as this guy doesn't use permalinks...he really is a dinosaur.

Why?

Pretty much everyday I go to the following sites: Foxnews.com, abcnews.com, msnbc.com, cbsnews.com, cnn.com, huffingtonpost.com, crooksandliars.com, and scoop.co.nz, http://independent.co.uk/ and others...

The reason I go to these sites (especially the american ones), besides for the tech and media and advertising stories, is that I keep hoping to see a headline to the effect that Bush/Cheney have been fired. Seriously. And yet, that headline never comes.

Instead...every single day, one of the main stories on each of the major US media websites (fox, msnbc, cbs, abc, cnn) are apologies (read: support) for the Bush/Cheney White House and the Iraq War (like this little prize from msnbc). Perhaps along with an obligatory recount of the latest scandal (gonzales, walter reed, etc...), today's death toll in Iraq, etc... but these are always short-lived and are rarely the lead story. Rather, the lead stories are either weather or animal-related.

I seriously begin to question my sanity--why are we still in Iraq? Why do news organisations cover anything besides Bush/Cheney and Iraq? When will this madness end? Does anyone else care?

Even though I see people comment on stories on huffpo and crooksandliars and others, I can't help but doubt that these people are real or that their concerns are real. In effect, I begin to think I'm alone in how much I want this madness to end.

And then I see someone as Republican as they come, as establishment as they come saying things like this. And it gives me the strength to click through my sites just one more time...with the same hopefulness that I felt the day before.

Some kiwis going to NY

pretty cool--several kiwi ad creatives are gonna be judges at the New York Festivals. a bit disappointing that interactive barely gets a mention in the campaign brief story--but nevermind...still cool!

Why I HATE LOST PART II

I forgot to mention that substory about the Lady Doctor which in the space of about 10 minutes explains the whole reason she and the others are on that goddamn island. And all of it is so awfully telegraphed that you know what's gonna happen a few commercial breaks before it does.

Good Lady Doctor tells Company Shrouded in Mystery President (hmmm, wonder if Company Shrouded in Mystery is going to turn out to be the reason she's on the island?) that the only way she can get away from her husband is if he gets hit by a bus--enter loud music: DUM DUM DUM!!! (could it be that Company Shrouded in Mystery is so powerful that they'll be able to have her husband get hit by bus? could it be...?)

Well the answer to both questions is revealed about 5 minutes later and the answer just happens to be DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH....(yes).

Just so we're on the same page--they explain why she and her whack job friends are on the island (THE FUCKING ISLAND for christ's sake) in about TEN MINUTES.

Now here's the real problem with this show in a nutshell--it's too GODDAMN POPULAR! if it weren't so popular i wouldn't care...but the fact that it's SO GODDAMN POPULAR is the reason that the writers and producers cynically know that they CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING AND THEIR MINDLESS FANS WILL JUST GO--"COOOOOOOL." (or... that was cool, dude)

So they do--they write whatever they want whenever they want to without thinking about it for even a second--cause they've got to get back to their coke and hookers straightaway.

You know, maybe the real problem i have with the show isn't that it SUUUUUCCCCKKKKSS, but that I'm jealous. What a great job: writing whatever garbage falls out of your ass, having that garbage be wildly popular and snorting coke and fucking hookers all day and night. What could be better?

P.S. My list of top ten jobs in the world to follow sometime soon...

Why I Hate Lost

I know this goes against everything that's good and right about America, but I hate LOST. I HATE LOST.

And here's why.

The last two seasons I hated LOST because it was a show where nothing NOTHING ever happened--and yet people I knew, people I know, would debate what happened on the show as if SOMETHING happened. But NOTHING ever happened. NOTHING. In fact, I can guarantee you that the writers of that show never had a clue as to what they were writing. NOT A CLUE. (and they were laughing all the way to the bank)

But now in the third season the reason I HATE LOST has changed. Now I hate LOST because, I'm sure due to pressure from network suits, they started to write episodes where things happen. The problem is--the writer you hire to write about nothing is not the same writer you should hire to write about something.

By that I mean to say that the people they've got writing Lost couldn't write their way out of a paper bag. In this third season, "The Season Where Something Happens," the crap they've been throwing on the screen would be LAUGHED at LOUDLY if it appeared in a movie or even a TV show. For example, Jack is operating on that GUY and then says he did something so that the guy only has an hour to live. The guy is bleeding to death but somehow, as long as he starts operating within an hour, the guy will be okay. What about the massive loss of blood? Isn't that a wee problem? But let's not dwell on that ridiculousness...in the middle of the guy bleeding to death, he wakes up "because Jack is a surgeon not an anaesthesiologist." The guy WAKES UP!?! WHAT?!? Is he Zeus?

I won't even discuss all the pummelling of people in the head which resulted in nothing more than a few minutes of sleepy time, and all of the shooting at close range and missing (because most shows/movies do that), but how about that daughter lady showing up just at the right time to save Freckles and Long Hair Dude? Huh?!?

And then to top it off, Freckles recounts the story about Jack saving that girl after counting to five and she's balling her eyes out and then she leaves with long hair dude and Crazy Boy. Was this supposed to be a moving scene? If so, why? What the fuck was so moving about hearing a story for a second time that wasn't moving the first goddamn time? Did we have to hear that lame ass story twice?

You know, the writers really ought to stick to the stuff where nothing happens--they're way better at nothing than something.

What's new about new media?

as we hurtle faster and faster towards an eventual permanent virtual existence, it's important from time to time to take a breath and ask ourselves some fundamental questions. like what's so new about new media? this essay from the book New Media (Cambridge: MIT Press, 2003) is a good place to start.

The Blogging Nun

just to show you how personal and specific the blogging community has become--check out this article on the blogging nun. sister julie tells it like it is and what that says about web 2.0 is there's something for everyone...

It's Like I Died and Went to Heaven

when I heard about the movie, Wild Hogs, my heart skipped a beat.

Now there's a movie with the ultimate Dream Team of Stars: crazy whack job scientologist, John Travolta! Tim "The Homicidal Drunk" Allen! William "I actually used to have a soul" H. Macy, and Martin "the drugged out sexual harasser" Lawrence!

Boy, I sure can't wait to see Wild Hogs! Boy oh boy! What more could anyone ask for then a movie with four bloated failures riding motorcycles! Nothing more. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

UPDATE March 8, 2007

Just to ensure transparency here, I want everyone to know (and by everyone I mean me and the little old lady from Kamchatka who claims to read this blog--btw, hi, natasha!) that I wrote "crazy whack job scientologist" before I knew whether or not anyone had written anything on that topic. When I googled "travolta crazy whack job scientologist", I got 639 hits. The one I picked just seemed to capture that phrase the best.

Fire the Intern

Whenever I open my hotmail account I get this little summary of the news message along with some feature stories MSN.com is running for the day. So today I get the message above. I've conveniently circled the part that's pissing me off.

Does the Intern who added the thumbnail of those two guys with red clown noses on their faces really think those guys are a good iconic representation of what it means to be funny?! Are you fuckin kidding me?! If someone ever wore a red clown nose to work he wouldn't establish himself as the "funny guy at work"...he'd establish himself as the "asshole at work who wore the red clown nose."

Usually Microsoft gets their icons right--you know the ones in Word with the two hands shaking or the picture of the world with arrows pointing heavenward or the dollar sign with an arrow to a pot of gold--I mean those are classics! Who hasn't used those awesome icons in some report they did for the boss or some school project? Of course you have. We all have for christ sake's!

The clown-nose-wearing dickheads, however, don't represent funny.

Fire the goddamn Intern!

News flash: Mommies are turning off TV!

a report from the States indicates some moms are clicking on blogs aimed at issues specific to families rather than watching the morning shows. in fact, it could be as much as 10% according to Nielsen...which is a sizeable chunk.

is this surprising? not really. it captures the essence of web 2.0--what Ross Mayfield described in this way: "Web 1.0 was commerce. Web 2.0 is people"

One of the key reasons the internet can compete with Old Media is this idea that people are now able to collaborate, to participate, to interact with one another in conversations that matter to them--they don't have to sit through an hour long program to get to that one 5 minute segment that sort of touches on something they kinda care about. on the other hand, it is 10% (at the most) and it's difficult to say that number will increase in the foreseeable future. but eventually, as people age, television will be only one of many sources of information and entertainment. it might even become an afterthought.

Yahoo/Xtra

meant to post on this a few days ago...

anyway, yep the deed is done. It's now Yahoo/Xtra instead of Xtra/MSN. It's a pretty big deal. geekzone has a pretty good post on it. check it out here.

The Horror, The Horror

My wife (or partner as they say in New Zealand) dropped me off at school today and in my haste to get out of the car I accidentally grabbed the diaper bag she had packed for our two children--she was taking them to the Auckland Zoo for the day.

As she drove away, I noticed the bag and instantly realized this was not good. Not good at all. So I started running after her car in the middle of Queen Street (a very busy street), waving the diaper bag, screaming for her to stop. But she didn't see me and kept going.

I quickly grabbed my phone and speed dialed hers--but then I remembered something she said to me on the way out of the house that morning ("my battery's dead so I won't be able to call you from the zoo today"). Crap!

Her car disappeared around a corner and with it, my marriage.

Okay, not my marriage...but those of you who have kids will understand the importance of the Diaper Bag. If I had all the money in the world, fame, political power, high social status--none of that could have compensated for the fact that my wife was going to the zoo with our two small children in tow without the diaper bag. Understand, this is less about the bag itself and more about what's in it--diapears, of course, and wipes. But that's hardly the end of it. It had small pieces of bread and fruit and carrots and my son's shoes and socks and bibs and changes of clothes and milk in a bottle and the water bottles and sun screen. It was and is the equivalent of that knife Rambo carries around in those First Blood movies.

No amount of money could have replaced that tattered, old bag along with its critical contents. The president himself (assuming he weren't the current president, but one with an ounce of competence) or the prime minister herself couldn't have rescued her.

No. The diaper bag is everything. It is all powerful. In it are the secrets to a good and happy life.

And I had no way of getting that magical accessory item to her. In only a few minutes, she would realize it wasn't in the car and that Hell was just around the corner.

My God, I thought. MY GOD! Horrors to great to imagine. Forgive me, my sweet. Forgive me!

I actually did a George today!

I was at school and there was an almost empty bag of really tasty cookies (or biscuits as they call em here in new zealand) and so i pulled the whole bag out, grabbed the last cookie and threw the empty bag in the trash (or rubbish bin as they call it here). But as I threw the bag in the bin i noticed that there was one more cookie inside. Trouble is I didn't realize this (or realise as they spell it here) until it was too late. When the bag landed, the cookie fell out into the somewhat soggy bottom of the bin. So me being me, I said "shit" (or bloody hell as they say here) (because I really would have liked to have had that last cookie), thought for about one second, shrugged my shoulders and reached back into the bin. At which point, another student happened to walk by and saw me as I grabbed food from the trash. She looked at me like I was an animal (or stupid asshole as they say here). My face turned red, I smiled sheepishly and then I did something that can only be understood if you know me--I indicated with my hand that I was going to return the cookie to the bin but as soon as she turned away (in disgust i might add), I stopped short of placing the cookie back inside. As soon as I was sure she was gone, I walked back to my desk, wiped the wetness from the biscuit (i think it landed in some old coffee), and (only somewhat guiltily) ate it.

Just another in a long list of things to like about Kiwis

check out this billboard ad for Hell pizza--a new zealand mainstay.

Check out ARCast

according to NZ Recruiter, ARCast is gonna be doing a live monthly cast on software and infrastructure architecture community in New Zealand. could be interesting and worth a listen.

Iraq - The Hidden Story: American Atrocities

shows in graphic detail one of the many reasons why the usa should not be in iraq.

this is only part of a bigger documentary. you can see the full documentary at http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3519855663545752103

Here's to you, George

this one really sneaks up on you. starts slowly with a very poignent speech about how things really work in good ol USA and by the end you're laughing out loud.

without further ado...

Today's Lesson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gmP4nk0EOE

It's Cool When You...

...give the train conductor your train pass, which he punctures with his handy little train pass puncturer, he hands you back the train pass which you then place in the book you're reading and then when you go to put the train pass back in your wallet...it's gone.

that's cool.

Barbie v Bratz: and the winner is...?

just saw this article...toys are fun and all but it's serious business. can barbie stop the slide with this high tech gizmoid? hard to say. but certainly it incorporates many of the things that seem to attract today's kids: customizability, interactivity, music, personalization, socialising, etc...

as much as barbie is not exactly the image of womanhood that i want to pass on to my daughter, i have to admit Bratz makes Barbie look like Gloria Steinam. So here's hoping this new strategy does work--cause Bratz is just plain wrong

handsome's in auckland!

saw the handsome family in auckland yesterday (see a review of their work at the new zealand herald http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1501119/story.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=10422029 )

I won't use the overused word surreal to describe the experience...

But when they started playing Arlene, it was like I was back in Wicker Park. I kept looking around the packed club thinking I'd see people I knew, but of course didn't. What I realized is how much a part o my life they were--they practically were the running soundtrack to all of our shenanigans (well, them and nirvana). ultimately, it put a smile on my face--those were good times.

anyway, they were the same handsome family--new songs--but the same two people--Rennie telling these seemingly pointless (i said seemingly) little stories between songs while Brett fiddled with the sound and occasionally talked over what she was saying. and of course, they bickered on stage when one of them started playing too soon or too late or when they couldn't decide which song to play next or when brett talked over what she was saying. she kept calling him Colonel and one time she said "he sure looks perty, but that one ain't too smart". i laughed a lot (others in the club didn't laugh so much). they ended the night with a song i hadn't heard before--one where he keeps talking about being close to death (a rope around his neck, gravel in his mouth etc)... and yet that's how he knew she was near (funny!). they still know how to bring a little ray of sunshine into a gloomy world.

First Vista owner an All Black??

could it be that the first Windows Vista owner will be an All Black. Seems to make some sense considering the many connections between Microsoft and the Kiwi rugby team.