I've decided to become a Republican...

...because I've always been curious about what it would be like to be a closeted gay man who outwardly hates gay men,

because I've always been curious about what it would be like to be a closeted pedophile who outwardly hates pedophiles,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to shoot an old man in the face,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to sleep with hookers while outwardly proclaiming the merits of christ and family,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to privately refer to fundamentalist christians as "the nuts" while outwardly pandering to them every chance I get,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to effortlessly spend close to a half trillion dollars on wars in Iraq and Afghanistan while doing everything in my power to spend as little money on Americans as possible,

because i've always been curious about what it would be like to embody and embrace pure Evil...

for all these reasons and more...I've decided to become a Republican!