The Horror, The Horror

My wife (or partner as they say in New Zealand) dropped me off at school today and in my haste to get out of the car I accidentally grabbed the diaper bag she had packed for our two children--she was taking them to the Auckland Zoo for the day.

As she drove away, I noticed the bag and instantly realized this was not good. Not good at all. So I started running after her car in the middle of Queen Street (a very busy street), waving the diaper bag, screaming for her to stop. But she didn't see me and kept going.

I quickly grabbed my phone and speed dialed hers--but then I remembered something she said to me on the way out of the house that morning ("my battery's dead so I won't be able to call you from the zoo today"). Crap!

Her car disappeared around a corner and with it, my marriage.

Okay, not my marriage...but those of you who have kids will understand the importance of the Diaper Bag. If I had all the money in the world, fame, political power, high social status--none of that could have compensated for the fact that my wife was going to the zoo with our two small children in tow without the diaper bag. Understand, this is less about the bag itself and more about what's in it--diapears, of course, and wipes. But that's hardly the end of it. It had small pieces of bread and fruit and carrots and my son's shoes and socks and bibs and changes of clothes and milk in a bottle and the water bottles and sun screen. It was and is the equivalent of that knife Rambo carries around in those First Blood movies.

No amount of money could have replaced that tattered, old bag along with its critical contents. The president himself (assuming he weren't the current president, but one with an ounce of competence) or the prime minister herself couldn't have rescued her.

No. The diaper bag is everything. It is all powerful. In it are the secrets to a good and happy life.

And I had no way of getting that magical accessory item to her. In only a few minutes, she would realize it wasn't in the car and that Hell was just around the corner.

My God, I thought. MY GOD! Horrors to great to imagine. Forgive me, my sweet. Forgive me!